Bards & Beards

It’s never a good thing when a co-worker tells you they dreamed about you last night.

That conversation never quite happened because most of the people who I work with end up sleeping or at least napping during the day. So it went more like “I had a dream that you were in the other day.”

At any rate, the co-worker announced to my other co-workers that in her dream, I was dressed like a 20-foot chicken and was chasing her through the streets in her neighborhood. Apparently it wasn’t fun and games because I was throwing sharp stars on strings in an effort to take her out. Each time I’d throw the weapon at her she’d figure out how to avoid them. I was happy to hear about her defense.

To that end, I offered up these excuses why it could never happen in real life.

1.) I don’t own a 20-foot chicken suit. It wouldn’t fit in the elevator in my building. Not even in the freight elevator. Where would I store such a thing?

2.) I could never quite master a throwing star. I can throw a frisbee like a madman but throwing stars… not so much. I could never be Chuck Norris but no one else on this planet could be either. I guess Wham-O would have to manufacture my weapons. I’d hope they’d be the kind that glow-in-the dark.

3.) I don’t even know where my co-worker lives.

I apologized for her id’s opinion of me and reassured her it would never happen again.

Speaking of Chuck Norris and I know I was, I’ve been sporting a beard of sorts. I’ve gotten more positive comments than negative. I can’t believe the time it saves me every day. It’s like 10 minutes which translates into about an hour a week. You have to substract 10 minutes because I keep it trimmed up. I don’t want to look like Grizzly Adams.

I have a fair amount of red in my beard. It may look a little silly because I have brown hair. For now, I’m enjoying the extra hour that I can devote each week to different things.

Another one of my co-workers has a full-fledged beard. We figured he’s saved about a couple weeks of his life not shaving.

I’m just happy with the extra hour a week, I’ll take it.

Bock, Bock… just kidding…

Have You Any Dreams You’d Like To Sell

In this case, yes, yes, I do.

I’m violating a superstition of my mother’s by posting this entry without eating breakfast. The superstition goes if you tell a dream before getting your cereal on or whatevah you claim for breakfast, the dream/nightmare will come true. I did eat Fruity Peebles this morning prior to go to sleep so let’s hope that counts in this time.

So here it goes, straight from the innards of taawd’s mind during the limited amount of REM sleep he got today. (read: more Blue Angel flyovers)

I dreamed I decided to take a two year stint onboard a ship. Not a cruise ship mind you where you might have some fun and see Steven Page hit on two Pittsburgh women while being nabbed for drugs. Not that kind of deal at all. This was more like a Navy (read: Blue Angel association?) ship. I don’t think I enlisted because I remember asking one of my superiors when I might get seasick. She told me if it hadn’t happened while we were out for the first 24 hours it probably wouldn’t. I don’t know if this is true or not but that’s what my brain was making up.

I don’t know what prompted such a dream.

I remember getting onboard the boat with all sorts of luggage because my next two years would be spent at sea. I guess I had become a seaman at that point. I remember seeing all sorts of other people (my brain’s good at this stuff people) and even making friends with some of them. My mind stopped at names. I mean I was only sleeping for about 4 hours, we can’t get too epic with this deal.

Apparently, most of my job during the two year tour would be making sure the boat was clean. The crew made sure it was shipshape especially when it came to dust. I remember seeing all of the places where the people and I were to sleep every night. Everyone had comforters and blankets but that’s when I remember I didn’t have mine. What would I do I thought through this crazy dream.

Being on time was key on this boat, which isn’t a problem for me. Violators had to do push-ups. 10 or 15 the one superior told everyone. I could do those with no problem so I thought if I was late, I would be able to handle the consequences.

So I also asked my superior what happened if I didn’t want to stay on the boat. Had I truly enlisted in this organization (whatever it was). She told nobody ever really left.

Startled, I woke up and began thanking God over and over I was in my own bed, with my comforter, in my place, on dry ground, not packing up to ship off and hearing the sound of the Blue Angels whisk past my window. Effers!

Whew! I don’t want to go to sea.

Okay, I admit this being one of my craziest posts ever but it was such a vivid dream that I thought this actually happened. I’ll also thank you not to analyze it too much, I’ll just say it probably had a lot to do with a massive lack of sleep this week and because I had Chinese food yesterday. That food always messes with me brain. Maybe we were pirates. I dunno!

Weird Dream

I think everyone who’s gone to college has had this dream once – you dream one class stands in your way of getting your degree. Of course, it’s the class you didn’t attend all semester or you walk into the class, realize it’s the day of the final exam and you don’t have any idea about the course. There are several different ways this dream plays out. has this explanation of this type of dream:

To dream that you are in college, indicates that you are going through some social or cultural changes. You may be wanting to expand your knowledge and awareness. It also suggest that now is a good time for you to experiment and try new things. If you had gone to college in your past, then also consider your personal experiences and memories of your college days. However, if you are currently in college, then it may be a reflection of your current surroundings. It may also represent stress.

The past couple of nights I’ve been having a different dream that I’ve gone back to college. I remember moving into a dorm, wondering how I was going to pay my bills and then the dream was over. Last night, I dreamed I attended one class but then didn’t have the schedule for the rest of my classes. I spent most of the academic day trying to find the registrar’s office to get my schedule. I remember everyone in the dream knowing my name. It was very surreal.

I know I work in television but I’m having a “dream mini-series”. It’s been playing out over the past couple of nights. Thank God I don’t see “To Be Continued” pop up at the end. Normally, I don’t recall all of my dreams but these are different.

Do you have any recurring dreams or worse, nightmares?